Are You Trapped in a Sexless Marriage?
By Sarah Schultz You may have noticed a new relationship topic popping uprecently: that of the sexless marriage. Experts define a”sexless marriage” as a married couple engaging in sex no morethan 10 times per year. More and more advertisements for drugsare being invented to help us increase our sexual desire. How-toguides in the form of books and articles are being written tohelp us ignite the intimacy that (apparently) 15% - 20% of usare lacking these days. And it’s become a hot topic ontelevision shows such as The Today Show and Dr. Phil. So what’s causing this sudden drop in sexual performance? Arewe bored with sex? Are we too tired? Have we chalked sex up toanother thing we have to cross off our to do list? No one knowsthe exact reasons for the apparent drop in sexual desire. Buthere are some of the experts’ best guesses: - We’re simply exhausted. With the majority of married couplesnow working outside of the home, both partners are workingdouble-shifts. They wake up early, get the kids off to school,put in a full day at the office, come home to cook, clean, dohomework and (if they’re lucky) grab a shower before ploppinginto bed. This certainly doesn’t do much to elevate sexualdesire, does it? - We feel guilty. Couples with children (especially women, butthis goes for men too) feel a certain amount of guilt forworking so many hours outside the home, so they spend most oftheir free time with the kids. The focus is on the family,rather than on the intimate relationship between the couple. - We’re over-stimulated. With tv, computers, crackberries,cell phones, bills, junk mail, and everything else that demandsour attention on a daily basis, we find ourselves getting suckedinto the boob tube every night, rather than spending a romanticevening alone. Without this mental and emotional foreplay,getting in the mood becomes another “task”. - We’re being treated for depression. Ironically, ourincreasing diagnosis of depression may be contributing to ourlack of action in the bedroom. One of the side-effects of manyanti-depressants is a loss of libido. The possibility thatmarried couples are losing interest in sex may be a result oftheir dependence on anti-depressant medications. - The Sexual Revolution. Sex used to be a forbidden affairreserved for married couples. It was considered a taboo topicof discussion and a sacred act between man and wife. Over thelast 30 years, our experience with and knowledge about sex hasincreased. Most people these days come into a marriage alreadyhaving had several sexual partners. For better or worse, sexisn’t as much of a mystery to a married couple, which may belessening the desire for it. - Loss of Gender-Roles. Again trends in the culture of oursociety may be another reason for our lack of sexual activity. These days, there’s a dichotomy between the skills that makes awoman successful at work, and what makes her desirable at home. Many women spend the majority of their day at the officemanaging others, mutli-tasking, meeting deadlines and dealingwith the corporate structure - not typically feminine traits. These days, it seems a woman’s identity of herself as afeminine, sexual being comes into conflict with herresponsibilities outside the home. These are just a few of the reasons behind the rise of theSexless Marriage. So, what are we to do about it? Well, thefirst question should be: is it really a problem? Is thissomething that threatens to break down our social structure andcause chaos? Is this “lack of sex” really that big of a deal? Many experts say yes. Physical intimacy is clearly a vital partof a healthy and positive relationship. Sex brings an emotionalcloseness to a marriage that is important in creating lastinglove. The importance of re-connecting periodically allows acouple to strengthen their bond in a unique way. However, what has also been suggested is that this arbitrarynumber of “10 times per year” may not be all that important.What is important, according to most experts, is that both youand your partner are satisfied and happy with the amount of sexyou have. If that happens to be once a year, then so be it.Taking this into account, shouldn’t the real definition for theterm “sexless marriage” be: “a marriage within which at leastone partner desires more occurrences of sexual activity”? Whatdo you think? About the author: Sarah M. Schultz, MA, CPC is a certifiedPersonal Development Coach in Park City, UT. Sarah coachesquarterlifers (adults in their 20s and 30s) who want to createmeaning and passion in their lives by building lasting committedrelationships, creating a fulfilling work/life balance, andmanaging the stress of major life transitions. Receive yourfree copy of her Special Report: “Five Steps to Creating a LifeYou Love!” on her website at:http://www.newheightslifecoaching.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sarah_Schultz http://EzineArticles.com/?Are-You-Trapped-in-a-Sexless-Marriage?&id=488730 faxless payday advance no fax payday loans no fax cash guaranteed unsecured loan what you need to apply for an unsecured small business loans advance payday loans
